During Times of Rejection

I'm so behind. I have a long list of books to blog about and recipes to post, but rarely take the time to blog anymore. Friday I re-read a book that I read several months ago and intended to post about. I decided that since so much time had passed, I needed to read it again to I could refresh my memory. It turns out that this was a good time to read it again for new situations that have arisen in life, and I took even more notes this time around.

It's called Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely by Lysa TerKeurst. She's the President of a Christian ministry called Proverbs 31 Ministries and has written several books and has a blog. The book talks about times she was rejected or not wanted by a boyfriend, friend, colleagues and in other situations. To learn more about her, I went to her blog. In the book she talks about her husband. In recent blog posts, she explains that her husband was unfaithful and they were getting a divorce, and also that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Like many of us, she has many heavy burdens placed upon her all at one.

While some of Lysa's experiences that she shares in the book are not events that happened to me and almost seemed light compared to my own, the perspective we need to have during any rejection is the same. I have felt all the feelings that she has felt, being hurt and rejected in different ways. Lysa helps us change how we think and act when in those situations, feeling filled with God's love and knowing it is enough.

I won't share all of my notes with you, even though it's really hard not to. I'm sure things that touched me because of my experiences would not necessarily be what affects you the most. You should read the book. It's a quick read. I read it in one day. Many libraries have a copy. I'd love for you to come back and comment what you thought about it after you do.

Lysa talks about how much the rejection hurts in the moment, but also about how it affects us in our lives and in new relationships. "Today's rejections, big or subtle, are like stealth bombs that zing straight to my core, locating hurts from my past and making them agonizingly present all over again."

We let the words others say and the words we think they're thinking about us become our own negative self-talk. I know there are messages that I struggle to get out of my head. "Rejection isn't just an emotion we feel. It's a message that's sent to the core of who we are, causing us to believe lies about ourselves, others, and God. We connect an event from today to something harsh someone once said. That person's line becomes a label. The label becomes a lie. And the lie becomes a liability in how we think about ourselves and interact in every future relationship."

Stability is one thing that I have wanted in my life and want to give to my children. In many ways, that stability has eluded me, but my Father in Heaven is always there, wherever I am, in whatever circumstance. I know His expectations and promises do not change. "We're all desperate to anchor our souls to something we can trust won't change.

"...When my identity is tied to circumstances I become extremely insecure because circumstances are unpredictable and ever-changing.

"I was created by God, who formed me because He so much loved the very thought of me. When I was nothing, He saw something and declared it good. Very good. And very loved.

"Therefore, I can bring the atmosphere of love into every situation I face. I don't have to wait for it, hope for it, or try to earn it. I simply bring the love I want. Then I'm not so tempted to flirt with the world, hoping for approval, because I have the real thing with God."

Sometimes we feel like we have to earn love by our actions, and sometimes we are told that straight out. Either way, it is wrong. That is not love and will not turn into love.  We must learn to feel God's love and to love ourselves.

Lysa shares the story of a time that she was left at a table alone in a crowded room and she felt very alone. Then she said a thought popped into her head, "You aren't set aside, Lysa. You are set apart... To be set aside is to be rejected... To be set apart is to be given an assignment that requires preparation." We can all take a look and see how our Heavenly Father can use our trials, even those rejections by people, to make us better people and to prepare us for a future where we will need to be strong and have a sure faith.

"The enemy loves to take our rejection and twist it into a raw, irrational fear that God really doesn't have a good plan for us...Satan knows what consumes us controls us. Therefore the more consumed we are with rejection, the more he can control our emotions, our thinking, and our actions....That's the exact place where panic starts to replace peace."

Speaking of the disciples' fear when they see Jesus walking on water, Lysa says that the word terrified comes from the Greek word tarasso, which means, "to set in motion what needs to remain still". I know when I am feeling scared, I panic and do not remain still. I am getting better, sometimes, but I still need to improve at remaining still and letting what needs to be still, be still.

I am having a really hard time not sharing so much more, but I will end with one more thought from the book.

"The pain isn't the enemy. Pain is the indicator that brokenness exists. Pain is the reminder that the real enemy is trying to take us out and bring us down by keeping us stuck in broken places. Pain is the gift that motivates us to fight with brave tenacity and fierce determination knowing there's healing on the other side.

"And in the in-between? Pain is the invitation for God to move in and replace our faltering strength with His.

"The only other choice is to run from the pain by using some method of numbing." We all know methods of numbing the pain -- drugs, alcohol, sex, self-harm, over-eating or under-eating, and many more.

"We think we are freeing ourselves from the pain when, in reality, what numbs us imprisons us. If we avoid the hurt, the hurt creates a void in us. It slowly kills the potential for our hearts to fully feel, fully connect, fully love again. It allows the rejection of a person to steal the best potential from every other relationship we desperately want and need.

"It even steals the best in our relationship with God. Because instead of Him being our hope, we misplace our hope in people who can't wholly love a desperately broken version of us. Only God can do that.

I'm always grateful for reminders of the eternal perspective I need when going through trials and feeling alone. It's important to be cognizant of who wants me to feel lonely and rejected, and of the reality that I am loved by my creator. This book left me looking for other books she has written, so I might be reviewing another one in the future.