I know this blog is public so I have to debate with myself what I should and shouldn’t share here. I’ll just say that last week I was my absolute lowest that I’ve been and it didn’t feel like I could get out of it. I never doubted that my Heavenly Father is there and that He loves me. I just doubt my strength to continue on and my ability to do well enough at school to graduate and get a good job in something that interests me. I fear years and decades of loneliness.
So I “talked” to myself, trying to figure out what I could do to get out of this funk. I had been reading my scriptures, going to church, praying, going to the temple, not doing bad things or going bad places…, but I still felt bad. We know who wants us to feel worthless and alone. Lucifer. So I decided that it was war and I was going to bombard him with missiles. I started listening to church talks and books in the car (like I used to until a few months ago) instead of music. I am watching old conference addresses or devotionals on TV in the morning as I get ready instead of watching a silly show or the news. When my mind starts to wander to things that make me sad, I change my thoughts to what I am grateful for.
It was a combination of things (these changes, talking/emailing with family and friends, and other things, I’m sure), but I woke up one morning and just felt good again. I already know I’m not “all better”. This goes in cycles where I’ll be feeling good and then I’ll be so down again. But I’m glad I didn’t stay down.
One of the talks I listened to that helped me is 4 Things That Will Wreck Your Life & 4 Truths That Will Save It by Sheri Dew. I have listened to it before, but I went to the library determined to get something to listen to, no matter how many times I heard it. It has been a while since I heard it. I love hearing Sister Dew. I put it in and started down the road. I listened for a little while and noticed that she was telling the same stories that I’ve heard her tell in other talks and thought that maybe I wouldn’t get anything new out of it. WRONG! As I listened, I heard things now that touched me in a different way since I am in different circumstances. You can imagine what one of those things was if you know about Sheri Dew. She talked about how very difficult it has been to be single.