Friday, November 5, 2010

4 Things That Will Wreck Your Life & 4 Truths That Will Save It

I know this blog is public so I have to debate with myself what I should and shouldn’t share here. I’ll just say that last week I was my absolute lowest that I’ve been and it didn’t feel like I could get out of it. I never doubted that my Heavenly Father is there and that He loves me. I just doubt my strength to continue on and my ability to do well enough at school to graduate and get a good job in something that interests me. I fear years and decades of loneliness.

So I “talked” to myself, trying to figure out what I could do to get out of this funk. I had been reading my scriptures, going to church, praying, going to the temple, not doing bad things or going bad places…, but I still felt bad. We know who wants us to feel worthless and alone. Lucifer. So I decided that it was war and I was going to bombard him with missiles. I started listening to church talks and books in the car (like I used to until a few months ago) instead of music. I am watching old conference addresses or devotionals on TV in the morning as I get ready instead of watching a silly show or the news. When my mind starts to wander to things that make me sad, I change my thoughts to what I am grateful for.

It was a combination of things (these changes, talking/emailing with family and friends, and other things, I’m sure), but I woke up one morning and just felt good again. I already know I’m not “all better”. This goes in cycles where I’ll be feeling good and then I’ll be so down again. But I’m glad I didn’t stay down.

One of the talks I listened to that helped me is 4 Things That Will Wreck Your Life & 4 Truths That Will Save It by Sheri Dew. I have listened to it before, but I went to the library determined to get something to listen to, no matter how many times I heard it. It has been a while since I heard it. I love hearing Sister Dew. I put it in and started down the road. I listened for a little while and noticed that she was telling the same stories that I’ve heard her tell in other talks and thought that maybe I wouldn’t get anything new out of it. WRONG! As I listened, I heard things now that touched me in a different way since I am in different circumstances. You can imagine what one of those things was if you know about Sheri Dew. She talked about how very difficult it has been to be single.
She said. “I have come to see the doctrine of the atonement largely as a doctrine of healing. We are healed of our sins when we repent, but we can be healed of our weaknesses. We can be healed of our broken hearts.”

She mentioned this scripture.

Luke 4:18The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised

And continued: “I felt captive in a life I hated, being unmarried. I still hate it. I hate everything about it. I would never have believed at 33 years old that it would have been possible for me to ever feel joy again unless the Lord gave me a husband. That’s a righteous desire. We’re not complete without each other. We just aren’t. Believe me, I’m aware of it, every day that I am not whole.”

Sister Dew talked about how the Lord can heal our broken hearts and the Lord can free us from feeling like our lives are a prison, whatever the circumstance we find ourselves in.

I also appreciated the part of the talk where she asked us to consider:

Who are you influencing and what are you influencing them to do?
Who or what are you allowing to influence you?
From whom do you take your counsel? The Lord or the world?

I love how Sister Dew always talks about how much influence we as women (but men do too, of course) have over their family and friends and that we need to use that influence well. But this time I heard more about the part of being influenced and from whom we are taking counsel. Can we look at the world and say, “So many of them are doing it, so it’s okay if I do. Heavenly Father will understand.” Or even to look at members of the church and say the same thing. “I’m not the only member doing it, so it can’t be that bad.” WRONG! We all know that members are not perfect, but our Father is. He knows what we should do and we need to look to Him for guidance, not to others.

Sister Dew said this about Satan: “What he loves to do is to get us to look to the world to tell us who we are.” You know that if I look to the media and the world (and even some individuals), that the only message I’m going to get is that I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, young enough, bubbly enough, rich enough… Satan doesn’t want us to be happy. He wants us to feel worthless. He wants me to feel worthless. That would be just the beginning of the road away from the celestial kingdom. How?

“There are certain things you would just never do once you know who you are.”

If I base my worth on how others see me and treat me, if I feel so very alone, I will lower my standards to meet those of others who might give me attention and “love” that I need instead of looking to the Lord.

Sister Dew quoted Elder Holland, speaking to a group of missionaries,

“Why is life so hard? Why is missionary work so hard? Salvation is not a cheap experience and it was never meant to be easy. Let us not worry about why it is so hard. Accept our difficulties. Count it a privilege to suffer and be discomforted, because in some small way you are sharing in our Savior’s experience.”

The final topic I’ll bring up is that nothing in the world that is taking place has taken our Father by surprise. Sister Dew was talking about what is happening in the world in these latter days. But I immediately thought of it on a personal level. Nothing that happens in my life is a surprise to my Father, even when it is a surprise to me. He has helped prepare me to live through it. He is here with me and will not abandon me. He can help me strengthen my many weaknesses. He can help me feel His love and my worth that I struggle to feel at times.


  1. So sorry you have been feeling blue lately. But am happy you are finding things that help to lift you out of it! Sheri Dew has always been one of my favorite speakers because she just knows about women!

    Here's sending you virtual hugs and hoping you have a very cheer filled day!

  2. Sheri Dew is so great! I'm glad you were able to get some new insights from the talk and be uplifted. I can't help you with your battle but I am praying for you. I love you.

  3. Thank you very much for sharing this. I love you and never want you to be down or feeling lonely or as if you aren't worth nearly what you are. I'm so glad you posted this. It reminds me that I too need to listen to devotionals and talks, as well as making sure I am doing all I need to do to stay close to the Spirit. I'm glad you're feeling better, and thank you again for posting this.
    Love you,

  4. Such a beautiful post. I have listened to Sheri Dew's talk before and it is a good one!
    Take care! You know who you are! That is more than a lot of people can say!

    p.s. The place we went for our Halloween breakfast is One Man Band.

  5. I love this CD. I also enjoy listening to Mary Ellen Edmunds when I am down. She is pretty amazing. I have all her CD's as well as all of Sheri Dew's. I also love Brad Wilcox and if you can find it at the library, try to listen to "The Forth Watch" by S. Michael Wilcox. That is one of my very favorites. I really need to call you more often. Especially when I know I need to talk to you. I am sorry that I live so far away. Know always that you are loved. Everyone has bad days, married or single. I think I noticed them more when I was single. I also think it is so much harder to have all the responsibility and no one to share it with. Remember that your Heavenly Father will help you through this.

  6. Very beautiful thoughts. It is so good that you can see the discouragement for what it is and keep having your thoughts and heart where it needs to be.
    You are a beautiful woman.

  7. Thanks for the comments, everyone. Patty, I have listened to Mary Ellen Edmunds' CDs from the library and many of her talks on BYU Find a Talk site, but I don't have any of hers. I have wanted to hear The Fourth Watch since it came out. I actually just finished re-listening to another of Bro. Wilcox's CDs though and plan on doing a post on that soon (if I can find the time). He's great too.

  8. I feel so sad reading this.

    I WISH I could fix my friends problems! Really I do.. but then I remember that our trials are growing periods for us.. and I need to just pray to know how to be there for my friends.

    I hope you know I am always here for ya.

    If you ever feel the need to just drive.. or talk.. you know where you can come! It's an open invite anytime! I'm here!!!

    After reading these quotes.. I want to hear this talk! -- She is such an excellent speaker... and I am GRATEFUL this has helped you much!

    LOVE the A-ha moments! It happens to me everytime I read the scriptures. Wait.. was this here before? Isn't it amazing.


  9. I love Sheri Dew! I have several of her Talks on CD - although I haven't listened to this one. I've never really thought about how we all get different things out of messages. I think sometimes it is answers to prayers and things that help us move forward. It is great that you are doing the spiritual things you are doing to help you through each day in a more positive way.

    It's tough being single and a single mom. There are too many things to worry about and get us down. The past 3 days I have sat here by myself and realized that this is how it is going to be in 1 1/2 years (Brady is in SLC). I will be all alone. I am trying to figure it all out - because I dread that. I wonder what life will bring down the road. I wonder what Heavenly Father wants me to do. Life is different being divorced and it's hard and lonely. Thank goodness for friends on the Internet!

    I think you are doing pretty great - I was a mess for several years after my divorce. It took me a while to get to the peaceful place I am right now and you will find your way there too - with Heavenly Father's help. Life goes on and we are valued, because we are of Royal birth, daughter of a king.

    As far as school... you are amazing!! As I read how smart you are, it make me smile. You will have a great life as you progress in knowledge and skills. I know you will be blessed and things will fall into place as you keep plugging along every day. In a way, schooling is a huge blessing that you have to get you through this difficult time in your life.

    I think you are doing much better then I did when I was going through my break up with my husband... at least, what I read through the lines makes me hopeful for you. You are a wonderful woman and mother. You are doing great. I love all the time you have posted doing things with your children. Having them in your life and mine in my life is really such a blessing. It keeps us plugging along and doing what we should to raise them.

    We really are blessed. Keep looking for the good and plug along daily. Don't let pressure build up against your ex...I did that and it exploded and was bad (and why I live in Boise and he lives in SLC). Continue to keep your spiritual strength - it will guide you through this difficult time.

  10. Wow! That was a novel.. ha ha ha
    Have a great Sunday!


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