Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A Handy Excuse

A couple of years ago while trying to find help for my aching heart, I read this interesting article titled
about something that is now said often with men or women who leave their spouse. "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you and there's nothing I can do about it."

Of course, all marriages go through ups and downs and they aren't all super-romantic all the time. You see your wife without make-up or your husband sitting with his shirt up and his stomach sticking out above his pants. You see his or her weaknesses. You have hurt each other. They have sometimes failed to do what you have wanted and needed.

But through all of this many people are able to do what they promised to do, keep loving through it all and to stay with his or her spouse forever, progress together, hold hands, give hugs and kisses with meaning and feeling, make memories and say "I love you". If you have that, like most of my readers do, realize what an enormous blessing that is. No matter how much he doesn't help around the house or makes you watch stupid movies or how much she makes you late because she's doing her hair or she vents as soon as you come home from work.... It is a blessing.

Here are a few parts of the long article, but go to the link above and read it all. It's not specifically an LDS perspective, but it is religious perspective and cites many Bible verses.

“The excuse ‘I’m not in love with you anymore’ is nonsensical. Let me tell you why. There is no such emotional condition as falling out of love; it’s a justification for doing whatever you are planning on doing. It’s a way to let your spouse down easy.

“What you’re really feeling and should be saying is ‘I don’t want to love you anymore.’ It usually means that the attitude towards your spouse and marriage is not what it once was. Perhaps you are talking yourself into having an affair or perhaps you have already had an affair.

“The person who says ‘I’m not in love with you anymore’ is searching for a feeling. The marriage has stopped giving them a feeling they want and expect to have.’” (Angie Lewis from the Helium.com article titled “Testimonies: Falling In and Out of Love" — which you may want to read to learn more on this issue.)

"As I said before, feelings can come and go.

“A person who says, ‘I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,’ is making a distinction between 2 different feelings. But NEITHER of those feelings are love! When a person says, ‘I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,’ they’re saying that I CARE about you but I’m not EXCITED about you.

"...You can’t MAKE your spouse participate in your marriage in the way he or she should, but you can ask God to keep your heart and mind and focus centered on doing things His way, and to give you peace of mind in the process."



I know too many people who are hurt and alone. The divorce rate just seems to climb. I know there are times to leave like when there is any abuse or often if there is addiction or adultery. But too often people just give up because they want to move on to someone and something new. I know this is not what the Lord wants for us or our children. This is not what we need in this world.

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for this today Valerie. I really needed it.

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  2. So true, Valerie. It's really sad when people play that game of not being in love any more. A poor excuse for doing the wrong thing.

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  3. So true. I have only been married a short 28 years. ( really short when you think about eternity ) When ever I start to get frustrated or start haveing feeling that are not loveing toward my husband. I pray for the ability to love him like the Savior. It realy helps to pray for your spouse and count your blessings.

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  4. Great thoughts. You speak truth.

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