Thursday, September 17, 2009

A Goal for One is a Goal for Both of Us

I'd like to share this short story that I read in a book with talks from the 2008 BYU Women's Conference.

"When I was a young boy, my mother sang in the Tabernacle Choir. That meant Sunday dinner became Dad’s responsibility.

As children, we thought nothing of it. Dad never expressed any resentment for the added duty of fixing Sunday dinner so that we could eat when Mom came home from choir. In fact, he seemed to delight in it.

When the choir was asked to sing at a special worldwide satellite broadcast from Mt. Rushmore, Dad could hardly wait to see Mom on television. When the camera panned over to Mom, Dad smiled and exclaimed, “There she is! Did you see her?” To put the scene in today’s world, it was like Mom had just been named the winner of American Idol.

Mom had wanted to sing in the Tabernacle Choir for years, but she never mentioned it. Then when the time was right, it just happened without a lot of fanfare. She was pursuing one of her personal goals in life. But her goal became as important to my dad as it was to her. He owned her goal as much as she did. It wasn’t his goal to sing in the Choir, but it was his goal to help her reach her goal to sing. It was as important to him as any of his own goals. So rather than feeling burdened by fixing Sunday dinner every week, he seemed to enjoy it, because that meant that the one he loved as an equal partner could do something she really wanted to do. He was doing what the Lord wanted him to do, and in the process, learned to love doing it."

Russell T. Osguthorpe, "Celestial Marriage: The Role of Redeeming Love"

I appreciated reading this and thinking about my own marriage. Do my husband's goals become important to me because they are important to him? For as long as I knew him, Robin wanted his own business. I was afraid of it and tried to help him find a job that he would enjoy and that would erase those thoughts, but it didn't work. It was his goal. I finally decided that I needed to put my own feelings aside, after praying about it and feeling that it was more important for me to support him like I would want him to support me. It hasn't been easy for him, but he has loved having his own business and many experiences that he has had because of it, despite the downs that come with the ups--especially with this current bad economy.

I also am grateful to him for his support me with my goals. When I have had callings that required a lot of time, he never complained about the time I was away or the hours I spent working on callings at home. I appreciate his effort to support my on-again, off-again school attendance and asking me what he can do so I can go back, even if he has to ask me a hundred times and still doesn't remember that I want a degree in molecular biology one of these years. He doesn't actually cook like the husband in the story, but he is willing to arrange his schedule so that I can accomplish my goals.

Just this week he told me that I should tell him what day I'd like him to be home when the kids get home so I can have the day off. I told him that the kids are all in school all day now so everyday is like a day off. He told me he'd like me to do something I enjoy and not have to worry about rushing home. I better take advantage of that offer! And I'm so grateful for him thinking of me and my comfort and goals, even while he is struggling to keep his goals alive. I'm so blessed.


  1. I loved this post! Doesn't that kind of devotion to each other's dreams and hopes make you love each other more? :) It makes me love Pablo more and more when we can share in accomplishing our dreams together.

  2. That was a very heart warming story. You have also found a jewel in your life! Such a great loving marriage - each giving 110 percent. One day I hope to find a great giving husband too. Unfortunately there aren't many out there :-( Especially when you are as old as I am :-O

  3. That is a sweet little story, and I kept thinking: that man better not have had resentment! A man needs to cook every once in a while! But then of course, that is the point of the story! You two have an adorable relationship, and I love that you shared this.

  4. Hey Valerie!
    As usual, your posts are so thought-provoking for me, and your recipes so scrumptious looking! Hey, I set my blog to private, can you email your email adress to me at so I can send you a blog invite? Thanks!


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